Broken Hearts

broken hearts 

broken hearts everywhere you go 

walking through crystal shards 

cutting again 

bloody feet 

bleeding hands 

jabbed with flashing slivers  

working deep 

rending despair   

yielding 

relentless 

 hope 

… he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound … Isaiah 61:1 (ESV) 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 

But one of the soldiers pierced his side with a spear, and at once there came out blood and water. John 19:34 

Image by Peter.Lorre https://flic.kr/p/3yeriz  

Who Am I?

Bonhoeffer’s anguish and self-doubt ring so true they capture me.

Who Am I? (a poem by Dietrich Bonhoeffer) 

 Who am I? They often tell me 

 I stepped from my cell’s confinement 

 Calmly, cheerfully, firmly, 

 Like a Squire from his country house. 

Who am I? They often tell me 

 I used to speak to my warders 

 Freely and friendly and clearly, 

 As though it were mine to command. 

Who am I? They also tell me 

 I bore the days of misfortune 

 Equably, smilingly, proudly, 

 like one accustomed to win. 

Am I then really that which other men tell of? 

 Or am I only what I myself know of myself? 

 Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, 

 Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, 

 Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, 

 Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness, 

 Tossing in expectations of great events, 

 Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, 

 Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, 

 Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all. 

Who am I? This or the other? 

 Am I one person today and tomorrow another? 

 Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, 

 And before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling? 

 Or is something within me still like a beaten army 

 Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved? 

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. 

 Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine! 

This is the most beautiful poem about self-doubt that I have ever read. Written in his jail cell, it was one of the last Bonhoeffer wrote before his execution by the Nazis for his ties to the July 20, 1944 conspiracy to overthrow the Nazi regime. Bonhoeffer’s anguish and self-doubt ring so true they capture me. I cry out together with him. How many times have I found myself holding down contempt, prejudice, judgement, anger with one hand and blessing with the other? How many times am I harboring fear, hopelessness, even despair in my heart, but praising God with my mouth?  People say, “Oh what a wonderful person!” But I know the truth. 

Isn’t this what Paul meant when he cried out “what a wretched man I am!”? 

For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:22-25 

Yes! Thanks be to God, He has delivered me from my self through Jesus Christ my Lord! I know (at least in my head I know, but it is working its way down into my heart!) that I am not part of the “beaten army fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved”- the victory achieved by our Lord on the Cross. I know, along with Bonhoeffer, to whom I belong. 

Yes, I know the truth about what is in my heart, but so does God. He knows I am a terminal mess in my flesh, but that my path is doggedly along the Narrow Way. I may be crawling through the mud most of the time, but He knows I am moving towards Him. My heart is wanting Him. He knows that whoever I am, I am His. 

Photo, Inside Looking Out, by José Eugenio Gómez Rodríguez https://flic.kr/p/pz1jrM  

The Soul in Paraphrase

I love this poem by George Herbert, 17th century poet and clergyman. There are so many wonderful analogies in it. Prayer as a plummet sounding the depths of God’s love, a siege engine against the Almighty like the widow “crying out to God day and night” (Luke 18:6).

Prayer (I) by George Herbert (1593-1633) 

Prayer the church’s banquet, angel’s age,  
God’s breath in man returning to his birth,  
The soul in paraphrase, heart in pilgrimage,  
The Christian plummet1 sounding heav’n and earth  
Engine2 against th’ Almighty, sinner’s tow’r,  
Reversed thunder, Christ-side-piercing spear,  
The six-days world transposing in an hour,  
A kind of tune, which all things hear and fear;  
Softness, and peace, and joy, and love, and bliss,  
Exalted manna, gladness of the best,  
Heaven in ordinary, man well drest,  
The milky way, the bird of Paradise,  
Church-bells beyond the stars heard, the soul’s blood,  
The land of spices; something understood. 

1 A piece of lead attached to a line, used in sounding the depth of water, a plumb bob or a plumb line. — Wiktionary 

2 “’Engine against th’ Almighty–’ writing in the early 17th century, Herbert wasn’t talking about a diesel engine, or even a steam engine. The engine in this line is a siege engine. Prayer is laying siege to God.” — Daniel Stanley https://cultusandculture.com/2016/07/28/engine-against-th-almighty/  

Image by Sheila Bair

I See

I cast my mind to Calvary 
Where Jesus bled and died for me 
I see His wounds, His hands, His feet 
My Saviour on that cursed tree i 

I cast my mind to Calvary  

my eyes fixed on that cursed tree  

And suddenly I see 

and know with 

mind-heart lightning light

that if Jesus could do this thing  

If he could dynamite history asunder, if he could blow up every mountain  

disintegrate the rubble and blast away even the dust  

making the way to God completely, compassionately, blazingly open  

If he could give me the right

by faith in justice meted by bleeding hands

to be a child of God walking hand-in-hand  

If he could fling all my sins into the depths of the sea, as far as eternity  

And lock my enemy fiercely onto the very short leash of time  

If he is always  

all of my life  

the whole, in each and every part  

with me  

and will NEVER  

no, not, ruled out as a fact or even a possibility 

leave me 

Then  

He is with me now in this breaking, this shaking, this pain  

and he can deal with it, and is dealing with it  

He’s got this

He knows, he hears, he sees

And underneath me 

and my loved ones and my situation  

and this great big horrible mess that is my life right now 

are His Everlasting Arms  

forever and ever and ever 

and ever 

world without end 

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1 

ifrom O Praise the Name (Anástasis) Song by Hillsong Worship 

His Love-Banner

His love-banner over me? 

Not the empty flagpole 

tipping over in the sand 

I cling to, but 

billowing, joyful 

He waves it himself 

wooing, shouting 

laughing, triumphant 

Come! 

Stand with me 

here on this Rock 

Come! 

Let me 

wrap you 

clothe you 

keep you 

lead you on 

“He welcomes me to His banqueting table. His banner over me is love.” Song of Solomon 2:4 (paraphrased)

Image in the Public Domain: Woman standing on a rock near Villa de Leyva, Colombia by Joshua Earle https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Woman_standing_on_a_rock_near_Villa_de_Leyva,_Colombia_(Unsplash).jpg

He Keeps Singing

Why is trust so hard? 

Why is the One who can save me 

the one I suspect? 

My lover has filled the porch 

with flowers and chocolates 

He sings cheesy love songs 

exuberantly 

and dances alone 

But flinching behind my locked door 

all I hear 

are snatches of mocking 

All I see 

is my barren, empty house 

And yet 

he keeps singing 

his love songs 

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV) 

Image, Flowers on the Porch, by slgckgc https://flic.kr/p/otJo7o

Come Always

Immanuel

Thank you for coming 

Thank you for wanting to come 

Thank you for wanting me 

What can I give you back for that? 

Nothing but the manger of my heart

Nothing but my being, my life, my breath 

Nothing but my soul, my center, my core 

Come to the manger again 

Come always 

Come 

Even If

You cannot say 

“but” or “except” 

to God’s Word 

for you will be sitting down 

at the dusty, choking side  

or veering off  

on the rocky, deadly way 

You can only say 

“yet” and keep going 

but not alone 

You can only say 

“even though” 

but hand in hand 

You can only say 

“even if” 

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NLT) 

If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. Daniel 3:17-18 

… sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything. 2 Corinthians 6:10 

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. Psalm 73:23 

Image by Sheila Bair

He Unlocked Our Cages

Jesus took the keys of sin and death 

He rose and unlocked our cages 

It is up to us to walk out and follow 

He unlocked the chains to sin around us 

It is up to us to take them off and let go 

We can try to follow Him while holding onto the chains of sin, dragging them behind us 

Or we can let go and let the chains fall to the ground and leave them on the trail and look forward, straight ahead to Jesus, to heaven 

Do we trust that God will give us the strength? 

What do we have on earth that is so important? 

Dust in comparison to what we have in God 

Who we have in heaven can no longer be hurt by Satan or the world  

They are safe  

Forever 

All our possessions on earth will fade and blow away like dust, but God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit are for eternity 

What greater friend, brother, Father, King can we have in our life, that knew us and created us before that great and mighty Day, that first Day, He spoke? 

Who else could we ever need? 

— by Derek Bair

Image copyright by Derek Bair

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