For This Very Reason

Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.” 1 Peter 3:9-11 

We were called to bless.  

I have written about this verse before, but it continues to reverberate in my heart. There is more I need to learn here.

I have always thought of a calling as something wonderful and important, like being a missionary or a pastor or teacher – certainly there is a calling to be a mother or father. But as I was reading this verse the other day, that phrase struck me again: to this you were called. To bless! To this I was called: bid, called forth, called by name, invited.¹ To be honest, how often is blessing others at the front of my mind as I am going through my busy day – especially blessing those who are doing me evil or reviling me? But this verse says that is the very reason that God called my name, called me to follow Jesus. I wondered – to what else are we called? This is what I found: 

We are called to belong to Jesus Christ. 

And you also are among those Gentiles who are called to belong to Jesus Christ. Romans 1:6 

We are called to have fellowship with Jesus Christ our Lord. 

God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:9 

We are called to endure suffering for doing good, without retaliation, trusting our lives to God. 

For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:19-23 

These last two callings together remind me of this verse: “… that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death …” (Philippians 3:10) 

We are called to one hope, one Lord, one faith, one baptism. 

There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. Ephesians 4:4-6 

We are called to be free. 

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. Galatians 5:13 

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32) 

For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:2 

We are called to be completely humble and gentle, patient, bearing with each other in love.  

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3 

You were called to peace. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15 

There is not a lot of peace these days. Yet, we are called to let Christ’s peace “rule in your hearts,” to seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter) and to “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4: 3). 

We are called to be holy. 

For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 1 Thessalonians 4:7 

… to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be his holy people, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ—their Lord and ours: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 1:2-3 

We are called to His eternal glory. 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10 

Lord, help me to remember that I am yours, and I have a calling to bless, to love, to walk with you, to endure suffering, to seek peace, to live a holy life. That is the reason you called me. And, as I go through my days, give me the grace and strength – the everything – that I need to do your will and bring glory to you who called me by name. 

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ … Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8, 10-11 

Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus … Hebrews 3:1 

¹Definition from Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance. 

Photo, Helping Hand, by Howard J https://flic.kr/p/2iKzd6h

My True Identity

I am still looking for my true self   

the one that God made  

not the one molded by my circumstances   

not the one defined by my captors 

hardened by the hideousness of  

life-as-prison 

But where is she  

my true self? 

From the beginning rejected   

mocked and belittled into hiding  

hiding so deep  

so good at hiding  

behind camouflaged multi-locked doors   

even I can’t find her anymore 

wouldn’t know her if I did find her now  

wouldn’t recognize that stranger  

Only love can find her 

Only love can define her  

“To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that love is the reason for my existence, for God is love. Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name.” — Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation 

… put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Colossians 3:10 

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT) 

Wait. Do you think that maybe the reason why I can’t find that mangled, rejected/ejected self-person is because she no longer exists? Am I looking in the wrong place? 

Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on … Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT) 

Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your father’s house. Psalm 45:10 

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 

Love is my true identity. 

Photo copyright by Sheila Bair

Each of Them

And when the Lamb opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the testimony they had upheld … each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to wait a little longer … Revelation 6:9, 11 

For some reason that phrase “each of them” in this verse struck me. It is so like our Lord to console each one, go through the line one by one, comforting each one individually, and giving each one of them their assurance in the form of a white robe.  

Each of them. Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance defines this word as hékastos (from hekas, “separate”). It means “each or every — any, both, each (one), every (man, one, woman), particularly.” The HELPS Word-studies adds “each (individual) unit viewed distinctly, i.e. as opposed to “severally” (as a group).” 

The Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges notes that the translation “should read, and there was given them to each one a white robe, bringing out still more fully than the old text, that the white robe is an individual, not a common blessing.” 

Our Lord is an “each of them” Lord. He doesn’t look at us as part of big groups, like our religious or political affiliations. We are not races or cultures or citizens to him. He is not patriotic in any way. He doesn’t group us according to our demographics, like gender, income, education, or geographic location. We are individuals. We are “each of them.” And he cares about each of us. 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for (is concerned for, pays special attention to, gives thought to, takes an interest in) you. 1 Peter 5:7 

Jesus always cared for the individual. Each child brought to him. Each hurting person in the crowd, like the woman with the issue of blood¹, he identified and called to himself for an individual blessing. This kind of caring and taking of time for culturally insignificant, and sometimes culturally despised and rejected, individuals flabbergasted the disciples.  

One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him. Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! Luke 18:15-16 (NLT) 

At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’” Mark 5:30-31  

I think the disciples wanted, and expected, Jesus to get on with the really important stuff of setting them free from Roman rule and taking over the kingdom. Instead, he kept stopping to look people in the eye, and talk with them, and place his hands of blessing and healing on them, and love them – individually. He still does.

I want you to know and hear this. You are an “each of them.” You are not a bother to him. He cares for you. You. Come, let him lay his hands on your head. Let him look you in the eye and speak comfort to you. Whoever and wherever you are. Right now.  

At sunset, the people brought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, he healed them. Luke 4:40 

… He is not far from each one of us. Acts 17:27b (NKJV) 

¹Matthew 9:20-22, Mark 5:24-34, Luke 8:43-48 

Live With Guts

Finally (the end to which all things relate, the aim, the purpose),¹  

all of you, be like-minded (share the same perspective, the same mind, be harmonious, enjoying divinely-inspired harmony, i.e. knowing God’s mind, His thoughts, as He reveals it through faith),  

be sympathetic (be “with suffering” for each other, suffer or feel the like with each other, be understanding, mutually commiserative),  

love one another (love like a brother, an affectionate friend, be brotherly, like the love between fellow family-members in God’s family),  

be compassionate (tender-hearted, have good, positive gut-level sympathy, empathy, compassion– i.e. live with guts),  

and humble (lowly of mind, regulated by the inner perspective of having a humble opinion of oneself, a deep sense of one’s moral littleness, lowliness of mind, the inside-out virtue produced by comparing ourselves to the Lord rather than to others, bringing your behavior into alignment with this inner revelation, living in complete dependence on the Lord, with no reliance on self). 1 Peter 3:8 

Peter is writing mostly to fellow believers in the above letter, and he writes that love is the end to which all things relate, the purpose, the aim – a certain kind of love. A love that keeps on walking, though we stumble, towards having the mind of Christ, suffering with each other in the mutual pain of this world as Jesus did and does for us. To love and accept each other as family. (Think of it, we always put up with more from our family than “strangers.”) To live with guts, as Jesus did here on earth, from the center of our being, with empathy and compassion for our fellow strugglers/travelers. To view ourselves from the inside-out, for we know what’s in there, we and God. Yes, that is the aim of this Christian walk. But there is a bigger purpose. 

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35 

“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples.–The thought of their state of orphanage when He should depart from them is still present. He gives them a bond of union, by which they should always be linked to Him and to each other in the principle of love. The followers of great Teachers and Rabbis had their distinctive marks. Here was the distinctive Christian mark, which all men should be able to read. It is instructive that the characteristic mark of Christianity should thus be asserted by its Founder to consist, not in any formulary or signs, but in the love which asserts the brotherhood of man. The apologists of the first centuries delighted in appealing to the striking fact of the common love of Christians, which was a new thing in the history of mankind; and while the Church has sometimes forgotten the characteristic, the world never has. By their love for each other, for mankind, for God, is it known or denied that men who call themselves Christians are really Christ’s disciples.” — Ellicott’s Commentary 

This is our distinctive mark! That we love each other. Do I have that mark? Is it obvious to people that I am a Christian because of how I love?  

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:12 

Loving each other is how we love the unseen God. Even more wonderful, as we do this kind of love towards God and each other, we become as Jesus walking on the earth. 

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like (just as, corresponding to fully, exactly like) Jesus. 1 John 4:16-17 

And what happened when Jesus walked down here? The meek and the lowly, the people ready to receive Him, were drawn to Him, and they were healed and saved and changed. That is “the end to which all things relate, the aim, the purpose” of this love to which we are called. 

 I am not sure that we are where God desires us to be yet, at least not me. And I know that I can never be there on my own. And it’s only by fixing my eyes on Jesus, working towards aligning my words and my doings and my guts with his, and putting my powerless hand into his strong one on this rocky path that I am ever going to make it. The only way that any of us will ever make it home. Let’s live with guts! Compassionate, tenderhearted, with gut-level empathy. Let our hearts be broken for each other that we might be like Jesus, bringing life and light. 

Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” Mark 1:41 (NLT) 

There some people brought to him a man who was deaf and could hardly talk, and they begged Jesus to place his hand on him … He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh (moan, groan from grief) said to him, “Ephphatha!” (which means “Be opened!”). Mark 7:32, 34 

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled … Jesus wept. John 11:33, 35 

As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it … Luke 19:41 

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. Mark 6:34 

¹Amplification from Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon, and HELPS Word-studies at Bible Hub.

Photo by Jack Bair

What is Love?

Recently my sister asked me “what is love?” She is wrestling like me. I am not completely certain, but one thing for sure, caregiving has given me a different picture of love. 

Love is definitely NOT warm fuzzy feelings. It may not even be at its core emotion at all, though there are emotions attached to it. But love transcends emotion because emotions are flesh. Real love is in the spirit. God is love and God is Spirit. Yet, God definitely has emotions. 

At its heart and essence, I’m beginning to see that love resides somewhere in the grit-your-teeth killing of the self. It is keeping on, enduring, persevering, choosing to do the right thing though you know you will be misunderstood, rejected, punished for it. It is taking the next step and the next step and the next, always focused on what pleases God, what will heal and help and draw others into understanding and knowing who the Father is.  

It is giving whatever it is that we have without expecting anything at all. Always holding in our open hands blessing, acceptance, another chance, hope. Representing our Lord, being a picture of him here on earth. It’s all of the bless-those-who-curse-you, do-good-to-those-who-mistreat-you stuff. It is definitely doing what you don’t want to do a lot of the time. It is letting the nails sink right in and not trying to hurt back. In other words, it’s being Jesus, his body, here and now. 

I don’t have it yet. Honestly, for me so far, it has been yelling and venting and questioning everything, scraping all my assumptions and expectations off down to the bedrock and starting over. It’s been wrestling down the flesh every single day – anger and resentment and fear and despair and unforgiveness and entitlement and doubt and worthless words* – surrendering over and over, and choosing again and again to let go and wait for God and trust that his strength will come. Strength to be poured out like water on the ground. To let Christ love in me and through me. Because there is no way I can do this kind of love.

*More on Worthless Words

Image copyright Sheila Bair

When We Both Are Blondes Again*

I’m going to get my hair dyed blonde  

This isn’t my color, she said, it was a mistake   

What color would you call this? she asks, 

pulling tinted ends and grey roots 

Strawberry blonde, I say  

This isn’t my color 

Dad likes it blonde  

Your roots are grey too  

we could get our hair colored together  

He was too young to die  

He had so much more living to do  

When I get my hair done   

You can get yours dyed blonde too  

My hair hasn’t been blonde since I was a kid, I smile  

I don’t want him to be dead, she says  

When you get to heaven, I say   

he will be there to meet you  

first in line  

I hope so, she sighs 

He comes every night, you know   

He sits on the couch just like always  

How can he be dead? 

He doesn’t say much, but  

You should come the next time he is here  

He always thought a lot of you  

When we both are blondes again  

I’ll take you out to dinner  

Ha! I exclaim, I love that – “when we both are blondes again” 

It sounds like the title of a story or a poem 

Yes! Write it down, she says, with a sparkle I thought long-lost 

When we both are blondes again 

We can go to New York City and sing  

“If we can make it there …“  I start out 

Yes, she laughs through tears, we can sing that song  

“We’ll make it anywhere …“  

We’ll bring Dad  

He would like that  

When we both are blondes again 

*Inspired by a conversation with my widowed mother, who has dementia. 

Lyrics quoted loosely from New York, New York, by Fred Ebb.

Photo, free download, by Charles Parker from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/glowing-lights-of-evening-city-with-futuristic-skyscrapers-5847375/  

Incognito

“We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade, the presence of God. The world is crowded with Him. He walks everywhere incognito.” — C.S. Lewis, Letters to Malcolm 

Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of incognito: with one’s identity concealed.  

Synonyms for incognito: 

anonymous,    

faceless,   

innominate,  

nameless,  

unbaptized,  

unchristened,  

unidentified,    

unnamed,    

untitled 

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’  

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” Matthew 25:37-40 

Image by Michael https://flic.kr/p/8cP1vw  

A Kind of Death

Yeshua 

wants me to 

love the brOTHER 

Loving the brOTHER hurts 

it is a kind of death 

Something is dying to truly love 

the bitter things and the fearful 

jealousy 

envy 

resentment 

entitlement 

unforgiveness 

greed 

fear 

bigotry 

prejudice 

suspicion 

arrogance and disdain 

the self-seeking things and the defensive 

For love  

self lies down surrendered 

naked and vulnerable 

In love 

love executes self 

joyfully  

leaves self  

hanging there 

exposed and 

bleeding out  

Only then the brOTHER can be loved 

only then the brOTHER can be 

my brother 

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12

Image shared under Creative Commons license CC BY-SA 4.0, Stations of the Cross, William Mitchell – Jesus is nailed to the cross

Stop with Me

A man’s wisdom (discretion, knowledge, prudence, sense, understanding, wisdom) 

gives him patience (makes him slow to anger); 

it is to his glory (splendor, beauty, bravery, glory, honor, majesty) 

to overlook (pass over, let pass by, cause to take away)  

an offence (rebellion, sin, transgression, trespass). Proverbs 19:11 

Sounds like God, doesn’t it? Slow to anger, passing over our trespass because of the blood. Proverbs 17:9 also says: 

He who covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. 

The word translated “covers over” is the Hebrew kacah. It means to plump or fill up the hollows, to cover, clothe, conceal. It is also used here: 

He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter. Proverbs 11:13 (NASB) 

This word is used for covering the nakedness of the priests with pure, white linen. 

You shall make for them linen undergarments to cover their naked flesh; they shall reach from the hips to the thighs; They shall be on Aaron and on his sons when they come into the tabernacle of meeting, or when they come near the altar to minister in the holy place, that they do not incur iniquity and die. Exodus 28:42-43 (NKJV) 

The word was also used when Noah’s sons covered both his nakedness and his transgression when he got drunk. 

But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backwards and covered their father’s nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father’s nakedness. Genesis 9:23  

This reminds me in the New Testament of clothing ourselves with Christ and the “new self.” 

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Romans 13:14 

But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on (clothed yourselves with) the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Colossians 3:8-10 

I think we really need these verses right now when people are trying to kill each other for forgetting to turn on their turn signal, when people are forever cut out of our lives over words, when rage and violence erupts for the least misstep or mistake. We need to let some things pass. We need to be slow to anger. We need to clothe ourselves and each other. As my pastor, Dan Wolfe, used to say, we need to be a sponge sometimes and just let it sink in, be absorbed, and stop with me. 

Photo by Jack Bair

I Love You Lord

For the director of music. Of David the servant of the LORD. He sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said: I love you, LORD, my strength. Psalm 18:1 

Here David declares his love for God after the Lord delivered him from his enemy. Did you know that this is the only time in the Old Testament that someone says to God, “I love you”? The Old Testament saints are commanded many times to love the Lord with all their hearts, and they praise and worship and exalt Him a lot, but this is the only time someone is recorded saying “I love you.” I found that sad.  

But the word translated love that David uses here in Psalm 18 is a different word than the commandment (Deut. 6:5). The word in Deuteronomy is ‘ahav from aheb, which means to have affection for, to like, love the beloved or a lover, love a friend. But the word David uses is ‘erachamka from racham, to have compassion on, to love, to have or show mercy on, have pity. The Pulpit Commentary notes that ‘erachamka “expresses the very tenderest affection, and is elsewhere never used to denote the love of man towards God, but only that of God towards man.” 

Did you ever think of having compassion or pity for God? Sometimes I have felt sorry for Him, for all that He has gone through with us. For all the rejection and hatred and rebellion and mangling of souls, brutal oppression of each other and destruction of His perfect world. But I know my compassion does not, cannot, come close to the compassion God has for me. When God has compassion on us it is intense and active love. Chaim Bentorah says this about racham: 

“The problem is that we have no good English word for racham. We use the word love, mercy, compassion but all fall short of the meaning of racham. The correct use of racham is the womb.  When expressing an emotion, it is the love that a mother feels for her baby while in the womb or just emerges from the womb … It is love that is natural, unmolested, unchallenged and almost perfect.  This is racham.  A few years later when that child rebels, causes problems, wounds and breaks the mother’s heart, that love becomes ‘ahav which is an unconditional love, but it is not that perfect love that was unchallenged. As a human creature we cannot achieve such a high standard of love except at the birth of a child and even then you would have to be racham in a simple Qal form.  It still falls short of racham in a Piel intensive [active] form. As much as you love God, with all your heart, soul and might you may reach the level of David to say ‘Erachamka na Adonai. But it still falls short of God’s racham for us.” — Chaim Bentorah¹ 

Interestingly, there is also only one place in the New Testament where someone says “I love you” to our Lord. In the famous exchange on the beach (John 21:15-17), the risen Christ asks Peter three times “do you love me?” Peter affirms his love for Jesus three times. And in this case, as with David, Peter uses a surprising word. 

Jesus asks Peter three times, “do you love me?” He uses the word agapao the first two times, but phileo the last time. All three times Peter answers, “Yes, Lord, I phileo you.” The difference between the two words is very similar to the difference between ahav and racham. 

“[Phileo is f]rom philos; to be a friend to (fond of (an individual or an object)), i.e. Have affection for (denoting personal attachment, as a matter of sentiment or feeling; while agapao is wider, embracing especially the judgment and the deliberate assent of the will as a matter of principle, duty and propriety: the two thus stand related … the former being chiefly of the heart and the latter of the head.” — Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible 

Kenneth Wuest² calls agapao “the noblest word in the Greek language.” I always got the impression that Peter was shirking the highest love, that he was admitting to Jesus that he couldn’t achieve the purest and noblest love, that the best he could do was phileo love. And that Jesus finally gave in to Peter’s good-enough phileo-love in a “Ok, we’ll work on it” kind of relenting. But I think what Peter was really saying was this: Yes, I know and will obey the commandment to love You. But my love for you goes deeper, I love You as a dear friend, I delight in You, You are my only joy, I cherish You above all else.”  

“It [agapao] is an unselfish ‘love,’ ready to serve. The use of phileo in Peter’s answers and the Lord’s third question, conveys the thought of cherishing the Object above all else, of manifesting an affection characterized by constancy, from the motive of the highest veneration.” — W.E. Vine 

It seems to me that this kind of love is, in a way, above agapao love as it goes from head knowledge and assent to the heart. We cannot think that phileo love is less than agapao. Paul startles when he writes to the Corinthians, “If anyone does not love (phileo) the Lord, let him be accursed. Maranatha.“ (1 Corinthians 16:22) 

I think, yes, that our joy and delight and love for Our Lord will always fall short of His for us, as His love is pure and perfectly unselfish. Unlike us, He does not have to wrestle down the soul, the “me”, the ego every day to achieve this kind of love. It is His glory. It is His essence. It is Himself. But Jesus confirmed that it is possible for us, in Him, to phileo-love when He asked Peter the third time (I’m sure smiling with His own phileo-love sparkling in His eyes) if Peter loved Him. 

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love (phileo) me?” John 21:17  

It seems to me that both of these kinds of love come from the grace of God. But ahav and agapao seems to be connected to faith and decision and obedience to the word and the will of God. Racham and phileo grow out of relationship. They come from walking with Him in the dark places, from experiencing His deliverance when we are overwhelmed, from failing and falling and being lifted back up into His embrace. We can know that though we, like the children who break the mother’s heart, have broken His heart over and over, yet He still racham-loves us, He still phileo-delights and joys in us. And our hearts respond as Peter’s. 

“Yes, Lord, you know that I love (phileo) you.” John 21:16 

… the Father himself loves (phileo) you because you have loved (phileo) me and have believed that I came from God. John 16:27 

¹https://www.chaimbentorah.com/2019/09/hebrew-word-study-i-indeed-love-you-lord/ 

²Golden Nuggets from the Greek New Testament by Kenneth Wuest 

Image, detail from Quiet Evening on the Georgian Bay by TranceMist https://flic.kr/p/ajQSCL