Listening to the Light

While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: “A farmer went out to sow his seed.” Luke 8:4-5 

 “No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.” Luke 8:16 

Now Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him, but they were not able to get near him because of the crowd. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to see you.” Luke 8:19-20 

The verses above are from a passage in Luke 8:4-21 where Jesus talks about three seemingly very different topics: planting seeds (in the Parable of the Sower), lighting a lamp that goes, not under the bed, but on a stand, and then Jesus comments on his family wanting to interrupt his preaching. These appear to be three disparate themes, yet a thread runs through them all: hearing.  

Jesus mentions hearing or listening eight times in these seventeen verses. 

“Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.” Luke 8:8 

‘though seeing, they may not see; though hearing, they may not understand.’ Luke 8:10 

Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away … Luke 8:12 

Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. Luke 8:13 

The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but … Luke 8:14 

But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. Luke 8:15 

Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Luke 8:18 

“My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s word and put it into practice.” Luke 8:21 

Verse 18 was especially curious to me. Jesus is talking about a lighted lamp that should be put up on a stand “so those who come in can see the light,” but then he warns, “Therefore consider carefully how you listen.” I wondered about this until I realized that both the seed that is scattered and the light of the lamp are both the Word of God. 

The seed is the word of God. Luke 8:11 

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory … John 1:14 

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12 

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105 

So what is Jesus saying when he advises, “consider carefully how you listen”? Personally, I think the key to this passage is in verse 15: 

But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it (hold it fast, cling to it), and by persevering produce a crop (bear fruit). Luke 8:15 

Those two words describing the heart, noble and good, tell the story. The word translated “noble” means “attractively good, good that inspires (motivates) others, winsome, appealing.”¹ 

In Matthew 5 when Jesus talks about the light on the stand, he concludes with, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” 

Attractively good, good that inspires and motivates others, winsome, and appealing. I love that! But how different we appear to the world at times. Certainly, not attractive. As pastor Troy Gentz says: “Nobody wants to follow somebody whose followers are jerks.”²  

Unfortunately, it is easy to be a jerk at times. It is not so easy to persevere, slog through, soften the soil, pull up the weeds, produce appealing fruit. And what is the appealing, attractive fruit, the light worth putting up on a stand for all to see by? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). This is not something we can produce in our own strength. The word translated “good” in noble and good heart has the merciful, grace-filled answer to that problem. 

The word is agathós (ἀγαθός), which means “good, benefit” … “as to the believer, [it] describes what originates from God and is empowered by Him in their life, through faith.”¹ 

Wow, yes! A noble and good heart hears and holds fast to the Word and perseveres, empowered by God, to produce fruit. This whole passage is about hearing and responding to and obeying and allowing the Word of God to change us. And as we do this we will be becoming like Jesus, crucified with Him. Attractive. 

And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself. John 12:32 

Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works … Titus 2:7 (ESV) 

Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit … Matthew 7:17 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. James 1:22-24 

“My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s word and put it into practice.” Luke 8:21 

¹Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance and the HELPS Word-studies from the Discovery Bible. 

²Pastor Troy Gentz, from the Refresh series, October 16, 2022 Sunday Gathering  | Sunday, October 16,  2022 

Photo by Jack Bair

Unending Fire

The burnt offering is to remain on the altar hearth throughout the night, till morning, and the fire must be kept burning on the altar … The fire must be kept burning on the altar continuously; it must not go out. Leviticus 6:9, 13 

“The fire upon the altar of burnt offerings shall ‘never to out’, signifying that in Christ is a perpetual never-ending devotedness to God.” — R. Nelson Colyar, Leviticus the Blood of Holiness 

When I read this verse today, I immediately thought of what is happening in Asbury. There was a continuous worship service there for at least 150 hours straight. Like the fire burning on the altar. I have been in meetings like that, where the presence of God is so strong you lose track of time, you never want to leave. The Spirit washing over you, taking your breath away, touching deep places, healing stubborn, unhealable wounds.  

But revivals, or awakenings, or whatever label you put on them, end sometime. There have been many amazing revival/awakenings: what is called the Great Awakening, Azusa Street in 1905, the previous revivals in Asbury, the Lewis Awakening in 1949 in Scotland. This is only a tiny fraction, of course. But however many there have been, they all ended. And we will be very sad when this Asbury awakening ends because each time the Holy Spirit falls like this on a group of people it awakens in us the longing for home and that great, never-ending worship service around the throne. 

But do you see what the verse above in Leviticus is saying? We are the Temple of God, our hearts the altar. The fire need never go out there. Whether in the leaping flames of joy and passionate love of God, or the slow, steady burn of hope and trust in waiting, we are to keep it burning. We are to be walking revivals that never end until the day he takes us home. 

Never let the fire in your heart go out. Keep it alive. Serve the Lord. Romans 12:11 (NIRV) 

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Romans 12:1 

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 (ESV) 

And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. Matthew 24:12 (ESV) 

Photo, detail of free download from Pixabay 

My True Identity

I am still looking for my true self   

the one that God made  

not the one molded by my circumstances   

not the one defined by my captors 

hardened by the hideousness of  

life-as-prison 

But where is she  

my true self? 

From the beginning rejected   

mocked and belittled into hiding  

hiding so deep  

so good at hiding  

behind camouflaged multi-locked doors   

even I can’t find her anymore 

wouldn’t know her if I did find her now  

wouldn’t recognize that stranger  

Only love can find her 

Only love can define her  

“To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that love is the reason for my existence, for God is love. Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name.” — Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation 

… put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Colossians 3:10 

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT) 

Wait. Do you think that maybe the reason why I can’t find that mangled, rejected/ejected self-person is because she no longer exists? Am I looking in the wrong place? 

Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on … Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT) 

Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your father’s house. Psalm 45:10 

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 

Love is my true identity. 

Photo copyright by Sheila Bair

Unplowed Ground

In Matthew 13:1-9 Jesus tells the Parable of the Sower.¹ The parable recounts a farmer sowing seed in different soil conditions, hard, rocky, and full of weeds. Of course, the seed does not do well until it lands on “good soil, where it produced a crop.” Jesus ends the story with these words, “He who has ears, let him hear.” He reveals later that the seed is the “message about the kingdom,” or “the word of God” (Luke 8:11). 

I always thought of these four types of soils as four types of people, and of course, I was a good-soil person who could look down on (maybe even subconsciously) the other struggling types. But recently when I read this parable I thought, what if all of us are all the types? What if the parable reveals our journey toward God? 

Jesus says that having ears that hear is key to understanding the parable. The hard, rocky, overgrown soils are not ready to receive the Word of God. J.D. Walt has said that hearing and responding to the word of God is the ultimate worship – hearing the seed of the Word, letting it sink down roots into our hearts, the seed sprouting and springing up, bringing life-giving fruit. 

Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns. Jeremiah 4:3 

Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you. Hosea 10:12 

But Jesus said that the hearts of the people had “become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.” Psalm 17 and Proverbs 21 reveal the cause of calloused hearts. 

They (the wicked, the enemies) close up their callous hearts, and their mouths speak with arrogance. Psalm 17:10 

Haughty eyes and a proud heart— the unplowed field of the wicked—produce sin. Proverbs 21:4  

Arrogance and pride – the unplowed field – cannot receive the seed of the Word of God. The people of these fields are self-sufficient; they are alone and barren. And God judges them as wicked – guilty criminals deserving of punishment, rebellious, hostile enemies of God. None of us likes to think of ourselves that way, but that is where we all start on this walk. With amazing grace, we are received that way. We are met where we are and given the faith we need to receive and believe the life-changing word-seed. 

And Jesus, lavishly and lovingly, throws seed on our hard ground. We are urged to respond to it, plowing up our fields, breaking up the hard clods, removing (or allowing God to remove) the rocks, and pulling out the weeds. That is the process of sanctification. 

… continue to work out your salvation [that is, cultivate it, bring it to full effect, actively pursue spiritual maturity] with awe-inspired fear and trembling … Philippians 2:12 (Amplified Bible) 

But sometimes we sit down by the side of the path and remain unplowed for long periods of time. Fearful, prideful, angry at God. God is infinitely patient, waiting for us to get back up and again get behind the plow. Maybe not so patient, or patient but pained, because he is passionate about the end-goal. 

For the goal is intimacy with God, unity. Good soil receiving life-containing seed is a picture of more than farming. It is also a picture of the intimate “knowing” of the marriage between the Bride and the Bridegroom. The two will become one.  

“The daring metaphor of Jesus as bridegroom suggests that the living God seeks more than an intimate relationship with us. The reckless, raging fury of Yahweh culminates, dare we say it, in a symbiotic fusion, a union so substantive that the apostle Paul would write: It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. (Gal. 2:20 NASB)” — Brennan Manning, The Furious Longing of God

This is what really blew my mind while reading this parable today. Jesus is the ultimate perfectly plowed field. He never had any hard ground or rocks or weeds. He responded immediately and without any doubt or resistance or self-anything to what his Father said to him. 

The Sovereign LORD has opened my ears; I have not been rebellious, I have not turned away. Isaiah 50:5 

For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. John 12:49 (ESV) 

… I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father. John 14:31 (ESV) 

And isn’t the goal of our plowing to become like Jesus? To be mixed in with his dirt? To be hidden in him? To be in union with Him? To become one fruitful field? To not be lonely, barren fields any longer? 

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:2-3 

I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. John 17:20-21 

Lord, help me to cooperate with you in breaking up my unplowed ground. Give me grace to surrender the rocks of arrogance and pride, doubt and fear and resistance into your loving hands. Open my ears to hear your life-giving Word. Let me be like you. Let my life be hidden in you. 

¹Also, Mark 4: 3-9 and Luke 8:5-8. 

Photo, fallow, by Robb North https://flic.kr/p/6dWcZL

Ashes

(This poem is in response to Emma’s Wednesday Writing Prompt of 11/03/23 )

Our God is a consuming fire 

my life consumed 

seemingly gone 

Ashes rising in the vortex of furious love 

amidst the incense of fire-yielded despair 

by Spirit-breath blown away  

Yet not despised 

Scattered on the soil of 

withered hope 

dying trust 

stunted love 

Nothing is lost 

that is surrendered to 

His fire 

Photo, Flame by Annie Roi https://flic.kr/p/9VB6y7  

What is Love?

Recently my sister asked me “what is love?” She is wrestling like me. I am not completely certain, but one thing for sure, caregiving has given me a different picture of love. 

Love is definitely NOT warm fuzzy feelings. It may not even be at its core emotion at all, though there are emotions attached to it. But love transcends emotion because emotions are flesh. Real love is in the spirit. God is love and God is Spirit. Yet, God definitely has emotions. 

At its heart and essence, I’m beginning to see that love resides somewhere in the grit-your-teeth killing of the self. It is keeping on, enduring, persevering, choosing to do the right thing though you know you will be misunderstood, rejected, punished for it. It is taking the next step and the next step and the next, always focused on what pleases God, what will heal and help and draw others into understanding and knowing who the Father is.  

It is giving whatever it is that we have without expecting anything at all. Always holding in our open hands blessing, acceptance, another chance, hope. Representing our Lord, being a picture of him here on earth. It’s all of the bless-those-who-curse-you, do-good-to-those-who-mistreat-you stuff. It is definitely doing what you don’t want to do a lot of the time. It is letting the nails sink right in and not trying to hurt back. In other words, it’s being Jesus, his body, here and now. 

I don’t have it yet. Honestly, for me so far, it has been yelling and venting and questioning everything, scraping all my assumptions and expectations off down to the bedrock and starting over. It’s been wrestling down the flesh every single day – anger and resentment and fear and despair and unforgiveness and entitlement and doubt and worthless words* – surrendering over and over, and choosing again and again to let go and wait for God and trust that his strength will come. Strength to be poured out like water on the ground. To let Christ love in me and through me. Because there is no way I can do this kind of love.

*More on Worthless Words

Image copyright Sheila Bair

It’s a Wonderful Death

May the day of my birth perish, and the night that said, ‘A boy is conceived!’ Job 3:3 

Why did you bring me out from the womb? Would that I had died before any eye had seen me. Job 10:18 

I have been re-reading Job and I can relate, in a very small way, to his wishing he had never been born. Sometimes the burden is too heavy; sometimes you just want it to be done. Job’s faith was tested to the utmost. He asked God, what was it all for? He was tempted to give up, to blame God, to “curse God and die” but he held fast. God was refining and testing Job, and, according to James 5:11, he passed the test.  

Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful. 

But Job was not the only one to express this wish in the Bible. Jeremiah also cried out, Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed! (Jeremiah 20:14). And there were others, all who carried heavy, heavy burdens. 

Elijah: He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 1 Kings 19:4 

Moses: I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me. Numbers 11:14-15 

Jonah: Now, LORD, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live. Jonah 4:3 

Paul: I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. Philippians 1:23 

This, unfortunately, is a common feeling among the broken world’s inhabitants. If you have ever watched It’s a Wonderful Life, the movie starring James Stewart, you have seen this scene with the angel, Clarence: 

Clarence: So you still think killing yourself would make everyone feel happier, eh? 
George: Oh, I don’t know. I guess you’re right. I suppose it would have been better if I’d never been born at all. 
Clarence: What did you say? 
George: I said “I’d wish I’d never been born!” 
Clarence: Oh, you mustn’t say things like that. You…wait a minute. Wait a minute. That’s an idea. [glances up toward Heaven] What do you think? Yeah, that’ll do it. All right. [to George] You’ve got your wish. You’ve never been born. [snow stops falling and a strong gust of wind blows open the door] You don’t have to make all that fuss about it. 
 

In the end, Clarence is able to show George that living his life had been worthwhile and fruitful. What George had dismissed as small acts of love and kindness had had a ripple effect that resulted in hundreds of sailors being saved from death, and in hundreds of poor people getting a chance at a good life. While the story is fanciful, the message is good. Many of the stories in the Bible have a similar message. 

Joseph, after spending years in prison and servitude, was able to say to his persecutors: 

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Genesis 50:19-20 

I have a deep sense of gratitude to those who have gone before us, suffering but remaining faithful. Like Abraham and what he went though, his clinging to faith as he obeyed God in leaving his homeland for an unknown destination, and in being willing to sacrifice his only son. He did not know that he later would be held up as an example to us of God-pleasing faith.  

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. Romans 15:4 

And look at Job. Though Job didn’t know what was going on at the time, for thousands of years struggling believers have been encouraged and inspired by what he went through. Job never knew that Handel would write the stirring aria, I Know that My Redeemer Liveth, which would inspire generations. But that is what is birthed out of testing and temptation, testing endured and persevered in naked faith. Assurance, trust, knowing, maturity in ourselves, but also life for others. For there is a death involved in our walk, but rather than one of despair that looks inward, it is a death that looks outward and brings life. 

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me. Philippians 1:21-26 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24 

Image in the Public Domain

A Kind of Death

Yeshua 

wants me to 

love the brOTHER 

Loving the brOTHER hurts 

it is a kind of death 

Something is dying to truly love 

the bitter things and the fearful 

jealousy 

envy 

resentment 

entitlement 

unforgiveness 

greed 

fear 

bigotry 

prejudice 

suspicion 

arrogance and disdain 

the self-seeking things and the defensive 

For love  

self lies down surrendered 

naked and vulnerable 

In love 

love executes self 

joyfully  

leaves self  

hanging there 

exposed and 

bleeding out  

Only then the brOTHER can be loved 

only then the brOTHER can be 

my brother 

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12

Image shared under Creative Commons license CC BY-SA 4.0, Stations of the Cross, William Mitchell – Jesus is nailed to the cross

To This You Were Called

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 

Did you see that? You were called to this! That jumped out at me as I read the verse this time. Repaying or returning blessing is not one – though maybe the best – of many possible reactions. Returning blessing is not a suggestion or a nice bumper-sticker inspiration. Rather, to bless is why we were called in the first place. In this day of the celebration of karma pay-back, does this kind of thinking even compute anymore? Yet, to this you were called. 

Do not repay (pay back, pay off, discharge as a debt, pay wages, what is due, requite, give back, recompense)  

evil with evil (inner malice, what is worthless, depraved, injurious, bad, evil, harmful, ill, foul, rotten, poisoned)  

or insult with insult (abuse, railing, reviling, reproach).  

On the contrary (but, now),  

repay evil with blessing (speak well of, praise, confer what is beneficial, thank or invoke a benediction upon),  

because to this you were called (selected, roused, summoned, called by name)  

so that you may inherit a blessing (benefit).  

1 Peter 3:9 

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28 

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Romans 12:14 

But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:20-23 

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. Isaiah 43:1 (ESV) 

Photo by Jack Bair

Born for to Die

I wonder as I wander out under the sky that Jesus my Savior did come for to die … ¹

Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. Hebrews 2:14–15 (NLT) 

Jesus, born for to die. The Son of God becoming flesh and blood, born a human being so He could die for all us human beings. I absolutely believe and am forever grateful for that. 

But recently I have been wrestling with something – maybe the hardest thing of all to wrestle with. What if I was “born for to die” too? What if that is the whole reason I am here – to die – so others might live? What if I am not here to live my “best life” but to give it all up? To live His life, the life He gave up for me? 

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 

But living His life means me dying. Jesus calls us to be His witnesses. Did you know that the Greek word means “martyr”? 

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8).  

“Not my workers. Not my worshipers. Not my weekend warriors. My witnesses. It means those who will cease to live for themselves and learn to live with me and from me and through me and to me and for me.” — J.D. Walt, I Speak Jesus 

“[T]hose who will cease to live for themselves.” The Greek word is martus (μάρτυς ) – witness, martyr. You will be my martyrs. Rarely the way we usually think of a martyr, being killed for his or her faith gloriously in some foreign country. And, definitely not the modern psychological dysfunction self-glorification, self-pitying definition of the word. But through, what Elisabeth Elliot called, “little ‘deaths’.” 

“So my decision to receive Him, although made only once, I must affirm in thousands of ways, through thousands of choices, for the rest of my life—my will or His, my life (the old one) or His (the new one). It is no to myself and yes to Him. This continual affirmation is usually made in small things, inconveniences, unselfish giving up of preferences, yielding gracefully to the wishes of others without playing the martyr, learning to close doors quietly and turn the volume down on the music we’d love to play loudly—sufferings they may be, but only small-sized ones. We may think of them as little ‘deaths’.” — Elisabeth Elliot, A Path through Suffering  

For the joy set before him he endured the cross … Hebrews 12:2 

If I am to be like Jesus, if I can somehow realize that I was “born for to die,” then maybe I can (someday) “consider it all joy” when faced with all the “little deaths.” With the big deaths too. Some seem so very big. 

“The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up your self, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.” — C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity 

“Beware of only saying, ‘Christ was crucified for me’; say, too, ‘I am crucified with Christ.’” — Andrew Murray, Andrew Murray on the Holy Spirit 

Still wrestling … 

¹ Lyrics by John Jacob Niles

Image of dead apple blossoms available under CC0 Public Domain